Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My Time is Running Out...
Today I played with Blizzard and Rosie down in the field downtown. Blizzard isn't taking off for the roadside part of the field anymore. When he did recently, I yelled "No" and told him to come sit, and he did! At his foster home the other night the 3 yo let him out the front door again and off Blizzard goes, running for the road! "Blizzard... come sit!" What a good boy. There is hope for him. He just needs consistent training. If I had him with me 24 hours a day, no doubt he'd have all that down pat before now.
It began to rain so I packed us all up and headed home. After I made myself some lunch I prepared the shower for Blizzard and vise versa. He got a good scrub down and all the dirt from the foster home ran down the drain. His handsome white fur glistened. I wanted to cry. This would be our last shower together. I felt his muscles on his back legs again and felt his sturdy frame and cleaned that big block head of his and I kissed him. Crying. I was making him pretty for the evaluation on Thursday. Some people were coming on Thursday morning from the New England Border Collie Rescue to evaluate him. I know he will do okay. He is a sweet boy. He has some issues but they think it will be something they can work through with him. I trust the BC rescue will get to know him and what his needs are and find him the very best home. I want it to be his forever home. He deserves that!
I was putting Blizzard's collar back on and I looked at his little pirate name tag I had gotten him recently. I looked at his flashy blaze orange reflective collar as I put it on thinking my name would not be on him much longer. He has grown to look forward to my coming to pick him up for an afternoon run and evening in a home environment. I was learning more about him too. One visit he actually presented his nose for his gentle leader!
I talked to my husband a bit today. We are both very frustrated that we are not together yet. And he is very upset that he will not be able to meet Blizzard. I am having to change my whole mindset so that I don't include Blizzard in my future plans. He won't be there anymore. I just feel so sad and like I really failed this animal. I begin to wonder if turning him in to the rescue will ruin my ability to adopt from the rescue in the future or how this will look on a puppy questionairre. I remind myself that even though this hurts like hell, I am doing what is best. If my husband had just gotten us moved a little faster... but he didn't. The fact that I haven't seen my husband in almost a whole year has really begun to eat away at my morale and I am depressed about it. First there is hope for a move, then it's gone. Like poor Blizzard, first he is living there then he's not. First he is flying out to Oregon, then he's not.
I enjoyed seeing Blizzard relax here in my apartment with his tongue sticking out. I will no doubt miss that when he goes for good. I wanted to keep him so bad I did anything I could think of to keep him as mine until we were all able to move happily west together. I tried SO HARD!
Tonight when I walked him back across the river to his foster home we were just down the road and that stupid white ShihTzu that has attacked Rosie a few times was out with his incompetent owner. I had been waiting for this moment since Blizzard came back into town. I relaxed my right arm a bit (where I held him) and let him pull forward towards this yappy thing lunging at us. He began to do his whiney scream thing and then we passed. I was hoping that dog would break free from the woman's grip again, but no such luck. I would have put Blizzard between that dog and Rosie. Blizzard did well. I did not scold him for this one. I praised him. This may be the last time I will have that opportunity to use Blizzard to make us feel more secure while out walking.
I cannot communicate the pain and sorrow I hold now with knowing my time with my Blizzard will be short and then I will most likely not ever see him again. His sweet eyes and soft ears... and my husband will never get the joy of meeting this special boy. I expect I will cry again about this. Rosie will just have to tolerate it.
Please find the North East Border Collie Rescue link on the side of Blizzard's blog page. If you have what the dog needs and you want a great friend, adopt one of these awesome dogs. Learn about responsible puppy breeding and what to look for when you are looking for the breeder of your next bred puppy. Blizzard never got the headstart of a good puppy breeder. When I told them he had some problems, they never emailed me back... ever. There's more too. Through the rescue you can give a dog like Blizzard a second (or third) chance at a good life with a loving family. If you aren't in the position to adopt but want to help, donate money or other things. Some rescues have a wish list.
Everyone with a Border collie give him or her or them a big kiss.